Necco Therapy

>> Saturday, November 5, 2011

As I sorted through some old papers in the garage yesterday, I discovered this … something I had written in the 1970’s. I clearly remember that day … and the lesson I learned.  

I listened to the river as it sang its song. The sound blotted out the world around me and I was alone with my thoughts … thoughts I didn’t want. Why? Why had he called and said those words? Why pick the scab off the healing sore? Or was it only festering underneath? The pain and bitterness flowing from within me was as though someone had lanced an infected wound.  

I watched the swirling water … forever flowing … breaking and spraying over the rocks. Listlessly eating Necco candy wafers, I ate the colors I liked and tossed the ones I didn’t want into the rushing torrent. Disappearing from sight, then bobbing up, flowing with the current, around the large rock in the center and on to the ocean. Each one reacted differently.

My thoughts swirled in tune with the river. I had been divorced three years. He had remarried; I was still working on picking up the pieces … making a family from three daughters and myself. And then he called.  

Again my mind turned to the river. The water crashed on the big boulder in the middle of the river; breaking into tiny particles of moisture. Yet it fell back to the river; merged with the water and continued on its journey. I watched a black wafer sink deeper and deeper with the undertow. It fought upwards. Leaping to the surface, it skimmed along the top of the water … merrily dancing.  

My inner eyes began to see. My life was like that river … and I was a Necco wafer. My ex-husband was that big boulder in the middle. I had been broken to a thousand pieces. Yet, it was not my task to remove the boulder. My duty was to go over … around … under the immovable object and continue my journey.  

Envisioning the road I traveled to get to this spot, I remembered the meadows with the river barely moving, its song muted. My favorite part of the river was the rapids; the beauty of the foam and spray, the peaceful harmony in its song that rang loud and clear.  

Could this be true with life? Was it possible the beauty was in the rapids? Time seemed to stand still. My thoughts still swirled; but I felt a release of pressure. The pungent sensation gave way to a refreshing awareness of life; its beauty. Peace flooded my inner being.  

The knowledge that I would have other boulders in my river was no longer foreboding.  

I forgave … that day. Bitterness is like cancer; it destroys you. My peace is permanent. Take me to a river … a river singing a merry song … and you will lose me in reverie. Time again stands still … and I am at peace.  

“Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time.” Hebrews 12:15 (MSG)


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