>> Saturday, August 11, 2012
In my almost 70 years on this earth, I’ve had some hard tests … and I’ve learned from them. Having been raised to believe that worry and guilt showed others just how much you wanted to please God, I had those emotions down pat. And then life happened. My worry and guilt wrecked havoc on my body and I ended up in the hospital.
Did I really believe that was how God wanted me to live?
And so I worked on me … and with a lot of help from God I conquered those bad habits … I thought.
Years ago I had given my children into God’s care … understanding He loved them more than I did. Over the years I’ve done a great job of just letting go and letting God. Then my daughter, Lorri, drove from Salem, Oregon to Columbus, Georgia. Oh, I didn’t worry about her safety. I knew she was in God’s hands. I didn’t worry about the 3,366 miles she had to drive by herself (well she had two cats with her). I did great until she reached Boise, Idaho and her air conditioner quit working.
It was my helplessness that did me in. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I could do nothing to help her. And that’s when I took it all back … the worry. I drove every mile with her as she sweltered across Wyoming … Colorado … Texas.
We kept in touch … mostly by texts and Facebook. But when we finally talked I had to confess to her that her troubles were not just her own. I was being tested and failing … miserably. The air conditioner was repaired with an all day job in San Antonio, which meant she had to drive through the night and then the next day … when it quit again.
She made it … and imagine her surprise when the air conditioner began working again as she pulled into her apartment complex parking lot. More proof to me that it was … indeed … my test. My heart overflowed with gratitude for her safe arrival and I thought my test was over.
Two days later she called and said the car wouldn’t start. And there … again … was that feeling in the pit of my stomach. Did I really not trust God? For the next two hours I battled … determined to receive at least a D- … and not flunk entirely. At first it was a minute-by-minute handing her back to God. Then I went for five minutes trusting before the fear took over. Finally I let go completely and placed her back in God’s hands.
I trusted again.
“He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” Mark 4:40 (ESV)