Bucket List

I’ve never really had a bucket list.  My husband, John, had one, which I discovered after his death.  We had covered it pretty well.  With the anniversary next month of five years since his passing, and the recent death of my brother, I’ve been doing some pondering.  At the age of 77, I do not feel old.  But lately I’ve become aware that in earth years, I am.  

So, what would I put on a bucket list?  

I would like to take a road trip that includes Crazy Horse, Mt. Rushmore and Devil’s Tower.  John visited them on a motorcycle.  We had discussed returning there with me…in a car.  Didn’t happen.  And since I would be in the area (relatively), I would like to swing by Yellowstone.  My brother mentioned on more than one occasion his love for Crater Lake.  As recently as November, he talked of it again.  That would go on my list. I have some of his ashes to scatter there.  

Traveling to Israel had been a desire of mine for years.  I just felt drawn to that area.  Five months after John’s passing, I visited for the first time.  Two years later I returned.  In a conversation the other day with a daughter, I mentioned that the big 80 would be coming up for me in a little over two years.  

“How about I go to Israel for my 80^th?  

And now that thought is in my head.  I’ve gone with two different tour groups, but would love to see some non-tourist sites.  There are so many variables between now and then.  Right now, Israel is on lockdown.  That hurts my heart.  There is always the issue of finances.  And for “old” people; health.  

I have a feeling the longing to go to Israel will percolate for a while.  Like maybe two and one-half years.  

But there is more to a “bucket list” than just travels.  My physical health goes on there.  I would like to live out my days in relatively good health.  I do what I can to take care of me, but I know the results are beyond my control.  My mental health is another area to ponder.  Again, I do what I can to keep my mind in shape.  People  already tell me I’m crazy, so how will they know?  

But most important is my spiritual health.  My list includes a deep longing to know more about Christ every day.  As time passes, I’m amazed at the depth of His love and peace available to me. As we currently experience a worldwide pandemic, my soul is at rest.  But I will never be able to place a checkmark by that one.  

I will always be a work in progress.  

“Finally, brothers, rejoice.  Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”  2 Corinthians 13:11 (ESV)

 

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Contamination

Several years ago, my daughter operated a daycare in her home.  It was a clean, organized center full of happy children.  I helped out sometimes.  One time, she had car trouble and borrowed mine.  During that time, a child infected the center with pink eye.  We knew how very contagious that was and immediately took steps to protect everyone.  All was well until the day she called and said I could come pick up my car.  

A friend took me to her home.  To ensure no contamination, my daughter and I met in the front yard.  No hugging.  No touching.  The only thing transferred was my car keys.  I climbed in my car and drove home.  

You guessed it.  I contracted pink eye.  From the car keys.  

I thought of that story this morning as I was driving home from the post office.  We are under a mandatory rule of social distancing and staying home.  Only essential businesses are open…one of which is the post office.  I timed it so I would arrive just as they opened.  I thought it would be the least contaminated then.  The doors were propped open, so I didn’t have to touch them.  I was the only customer, so I placed my box on the counter.  So far, so good.  

 

The clerk wore gloves.  I decided that was for her protection.  Those gloves could still harbor a virus.  The normal questions were asked of me.  Since I was going to use a credit card, I had to push the answers of yes or no on the screen of the little credit card machine.  I placed my credit card back in my purse.  I had been the only one to touch it.  A receipt was printed and handed to me by those gloved hands holding onto one little corner.  So far, so good.  

I climbed in my car thinking, “Well I don’t need to use the disinfectant wipe I have in my pocket.  I didn’t have to touch anything.”  

Oh, but I had.  That machine that required my yes and no answers had been touched by everybody using a credit card.  Out came the wipe.  As I cleaned everything I had touched since returning to my car, my mind took off.  

Life is just like that. 

We can be so careful to not be contaminated by the obvious, big things.  We don’t go to porn sites or spend a night in a motel with someone other than our spouse.  At the end of the day, we can feel good about ourselves. Yay us.  

But what about the little things?  

Did we cheat on our Income Taxes?  Lie to our spouse about that charge on the credit card?  Gossip about the newcomer at work?  

Just as that germ on the car keys traveled to my eyes, the contamination in our lives can start with the little things.  Sometimes we aren’t even aware of them, they are so normal for us.  But they can contaminate our lives.  That virus can grow to other, larger indiscretions, contaminating even more of our life.  

As a Christ-follower, my prayer is that God makes me aware of the little things in my life that could turn into big things.  I certainly don’t want to contaminate anyone else. 

“Forget about deciding what’s right for each other.  Here’s what you need to be concerned about: that you don’t get in the way of someone else.”  Romans 14:13 (MSG)

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Pianos and Tuning Forks

Picture this: a room full of pianos that have just been delivered to the music store.  Since they have been in transit from the manufacturer, they all need to be tuned.  The piano tuner arrives, removes his tuning fork from his receptacle and begins the process with the first piano.  What would happen if he tuned the second piano to the first one, the third one to the second one, and on around the room?  When he reached the last piano, would it be in tune with the first one?  

BIG fat no.  

He uses the tuning fork on each piano individually.  Therefore, when he is through, all the pianos are in tune with each other.  

And just where am I going with this?  

I’m thinking of churches.  I’ve been in many in my lifetime.  Most, it seems, have various tuning forks and methods.  One person gets in tune with another…and on around the church.  Many times, the music emanating from that church is in discord.  And the world notices.  

What would happen if each person individually used the same Tuning Fork?  It’s not a novel idea.  The Bible is very clear about where we are to turn for our tuning.  But it’s easy to become lax in our desire for proper tuning. Sometimes days (maybe weeks) go by without turning to the Tuning Fork.  

My desire is to stay in tune.  What about you?    

“When we worship the right way, God doesn’t stir us up into confusion; He brings us into harmony.  This goes for all the churches – no exceptions.”  1 Corinthians 14:33 (MSG)

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Relinquishment Isn't Easy

My beginning was less than auspicious.  I was my mother’s ninth child; she was 45 years old and my father died within hours of my birth.  My brother, Tony, tells me I was placed in a dresser drawer for use as a bed.  He was seven when I showed up.  He couldn’t understand where his dad had gone and where I came from.  

From that day on, he became my best friend and protector.  

Soon my mother, Tony and I moved to two rooms upstairs in a house.  That is where I grew up.  He took care of me; walked me to school when I started Junior High that was halfway across town.  When I was told to marry while still in high school, he was the one who escorted me down the aisle.  Through my subsequent divorce and many years of single parenting, he was always there. 

And now he is being supported by an air mattress (because of bedsores) in a room in a hospice house many miles away.  And I grieve. 

But there is more than that.  I’ve read about the connection twins have; even though they are a great distance apart.  Tony and I have that.  For 70 years we have been linked.  He would call and ask, “So what’s going on?”  And I would tell him.  Sometimes it was the other way around.  We could share the scene we saw in our mind.  It was always accurate.  

In his weakened state, talking on the phone is no longer an option.  But we are still linked.  Some days are better than others.  

When my daughter, Lorri, and I visited him in a nursing home in November, he spoke of many things.  I heard stories about our dad.  We re-lived many memories we had shared.  I watched him come alive as he listened to music.  His life-long career was spent as a musician, beginning as soloist in the Navy Band.  

We talked about this day…when the end was approaching.  And now it’s here.  

I wasn’t allowed to drive the first 25 years of my life.  He taught me to love it!  When we were there, he mentioned several times he just needed a steering wheel in his hands.  He also expressed a desire to eat a hamburger.  He knew there was a hamburger place just down the street.  Yet when we offered to get him one, he knew he would be unable to eat it. 

I am a calm, peaceful woman.  I would never describe me as restless.  Yet last Saturday I felt like pacing the floor…couldn’t watch tv, read, or even listen to music.  I finally received the message.  I climbed in the car and for the next hour drove and talked to him.  When I returned home, the restlessness had ceased.  

Tuesday it didn’t take me quite as long to understand the communication.  Again, I headed down the highway…this time tears streaming down my face.  I stopped and ordered a hamburger…and ate it for him.  We enjoyed it.  

Go ahead.  Think I’m weird.  I’m just telling it like it is.  

Letting go is difficult.  Yet I don’t pray for him to linger.  Since the death of my husband, John, I view dying differently than most people.  As I sat by John, we talked of heaven.  As a Christian, he was ready.  So is Tony.  It will be a wonderful transition for him.  

And so, I wait…and let go.

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