Pondering
>> Monday, May 18, 2020
Recently, a very good friend told me I liked to use the word “ponder”. It’s true. I ponder (contemplate, deliberate, muse, think about, mull over, and meditate) a lot. At my age, there is a lot to ponder.
With the recent passing of my brother, I am the only remnant left of my birth family. Lots to mull over there. And last week the first of my 19 nieces and nephews departed this life, with another one under hospice care. My situation is a little different than most. I have two nieces and one nephew (the recent death) the same age as me. Most of them are grandparents and even great-grandparents. As near as I can figure, the youngest of them is in her 50’s.
I sat down and made a list. As I looked at the names, I became very aware of the fact that I really don’t know any of them very well. Some I have no idea where they live. Others my brother had kept me informed about.
Suffice it to say, we were not a close family. My two brothers were the exceptions. Their love for me supported and encouraged me through some pretty rough waters.
That’s where my pondering came in. What happened? Why? Once I married in 1960, I didn’t live in the same town with any of them. I do know that religion played a part in some of the separation. I definitely was a black sheep. In the 70’s, I actually cut my hair and began to wear slacks. Getting a divorce did not help.
As I worked on becoming a person, not a robot, I had a strong desire for family to be different for my children. Over the years, we have established close, loving relationships. I am blessed to be their mom.
But I have discovered that not all family is related by blood. I have women friends who are far closer to me than my sisters were. One I call my “daughter from another mother”. I have men friends who would come at a moment’s notice if I needed help. They are my “village”. Before my husband passed, we talked about what life would be like for me when he was gone. He was secure in the knowledge that my children and my village would take care of me.
My hope is that you have “family” surrounding you.
