J O Y

Joy should be a nice name to have.  Right? Many people in my life have told me what a wonderful name that is.  

They just didn’t know. 

In my childhood, we had a plaque hanging on the wall that said:

            J – Jesus First

            O – Others Next

            Y – Yourself Last

Repeatedly over the months and years, my mother made the meaning of that “Y” clear.  

“You need to remember that everyone else in the world is more important than you.”  

And so, I did.  I knew I had no value.  

When I married at 17, someone gave us a gift of that same plaque to hang on the wall in our home. My worthless condition continued. 

After a divorce, I searched for meaning in my life.  One year passed … and then two.  Then came the day I saw all the words in the scripture “love your neighbor as yourself”. Was I supposed to like me?  

Another two years passed as I pondered those words.  I removed the J O Y plaque from the wall and threw it in the trash.  I posted the verse about loving me on the front of the refrigerator.  

Finally, I believed!  

Inwardly, I changed the meaning of my name.  Joy meant delight, bliss and gladness.  What a difference that made in my life.  

As I listened to last Sunday’s sermon, my mind did a double-take at the words I heard.  After rewinding, the same words were repeated. The pastor had no idea how he was messing with my mind.  

It’s taken me a few days to truly let it sink in.   

J O Y is so much more than just delight, bliss and gladness.  In his explanation of the word, the J still stands for Jesus.  The Y still stands for you.  But the O stands for zero.  

There is nothing between Jesus and me!  

“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Galatians 5:14 (NIV)

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How Are You?

It seems like an innocent, caring question.  How are you? I’m sure we’ve all asked it of someone. Yet that question does not always evoke a warm, fuzzy reaction.  

A few days ago, I was with a group of widows.  It was mentioned that one recently widowed lady had not been attending church.  The reason given by her, “I don’t want everyone asking me how I am.”  

We understood.  Another lady expressed her anger.

 

“What am I supposed to say? My husband just died.  How do you think I am?”  

It’s only been a few years for me.  I remember thinking, when asked that question, “How can I answer that?  I don’t know how I am.”  And the way I was feeling at that moment could change in an instant.  A smell, a song, a certain food could arouse an abrupt response within me.  My emotional state resembled a roller coaster.  

And so, the pat answer is “Fine.”  Big fat lie. 

All this was percolating in my thoughts when I read an article written by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s COO.  Her husband died in 2015 at the age of 47.  She echoed the above sentiment.  She wanted to scream, “My husband died.  How do you think I am?”  

The question can at least be modified to ask, “How are you today?”  That indicates some semblance of understanding, that each day is different. 

Some days better than others.  

This does not apply only to widows.  In any circumstance where there has been a life-changing event, the person affected doesn’t need that question.  A hug works for some.  Others just need to share about what happened.  

Some just want to hear, “It’s sure good to see you.”  

             "Be gentle with one another, sensitive." Ephesians 4:32 (MSG)

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