>> Sunday, January 29, 2012
In the 1990's I felt God's tug on my heart. Most of the time, when that happens, it means I will have to stretch and grow. So I said "Not yet. I'm not ready." But have you ever noticed that tug doesn't go away? As the years passed, the tug grew stronger. If I submitted, it would mean standing in front of a group of women and sharing my story.
Doesn't sound scary? That's nice. It terrified me.
Thus began my painful and frightening journey into public speaking. Attending Toastmasters week after week ... reading my speeches ... then memorizing them ... I struggled on. After completing all the Toastmaster manuals, I knew how to organize a speech ... how to talk without filler words ... and to omit the sound of uh from my talk. That's all well and good. I was still scared.
Years passed and I saw no women in front of me, waiting for me to open my mouth and have my story come forth.
That changed this weekend.
God chose a perfect group of women to be my guinea pigs. Of course they were unaware that was their role. They exhibited such kind and gentle spirits ... extending their love to me ... welcoming me with open arms. As I stood before them, they allowed me to shed tears ... and gave me time to gather myself and continue (handing me some napkins for my tissues).
My story is such a wonderful story of God's grace, it still overwhelms me.
And so I sit on a train ... wheels clacking and my iPad rocking ... as I peck with one finger. I'm headed home. But I am not the same. Did I really believe God wouldn't come through this time? Shame on me. I spent no sleepless nights ... suffered no upset stomach ... endured no pounding heart. I had a few notes, but didn't use them. Many people were praying for my time of speaking ... and their prayers held me steady.
God has worked in my life again. He's Awesome.
"Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass." 1 Thessalonians 5:24 (NASB)