>> Friday, December 16, 2011
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my pants.
When I was young, we used to go “skinny dipping.” Now I just “chunky dunk.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press “Ctrl Alt Delete” and start all over?
Wouldn’t you know it … brain cells come and brain cells go … but FAT cells live forever.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothes. If I HAD any loose fitting clothes, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!
Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Bumper sticker of the year: “If you can read this, thank a teacher – and since it’s in English, thank a soldier.”
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.