Forgiving God

My husband, John, had more than one kind of cancer…and had been given months to live. I asked the doctor what it would be like at the end. I was told if the kidney cancer took him, it would be quick and painless. If the lung cancer was what ended his life, it would not be pretty. He would struggle to breathe.

So we prayed it would be kidney cancer that caused his death. That didn’t happen.

As I sat by John, loving on him and listening to the awful sound of his breathing, I had a few choice words for God. I may have yelled. “John is such a good man and a wonderful Christian. Why are you letting this go on? You could heal him or you could just take him home. Please end his suffering.”

But that didn’t happen.

This morning I listened to a podcast where the sermon focused on persecution of Christians. But Chuck Swindoll went back to the beginning of persecutions…Jesus. He described the trial, flogging, etc. and then talked about the cross. Nails were driven between the bones in the wrist to hold His upper body upright. Bending His legs, more nails were pounded through His feet with the balls of His feet resting on a small board placed there for Him to be able to push His body up so He didn’t have to struggle to breathe. Are you getting the same picture I had this morning?

God allowed His own Son to struggle to breathe…without rescuing Him.

The rest of the podcast went in one ear and out the other as I reflected on my epiphany. God allowed Jesus to suffer and die on the cross for a reason. Had we been standing there, we would not have understood, just like I didn’t understand why John had to suffer. But God does not make mistakes. There is a reason for everything He allows

On the treadmill, my feet still moving forward, I forgave God.

“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do….” Hebrews 4:15 (NLT)