How Are You?

It seems like an innocent, caring question.  How are you? I’m sure we’ve all asked it of someone. Yet that question does not always evoke a warm, fuzzy reaction.  

A few days ago, I was with a group of widows.  It was mentioned that one recently widowed lady had not been attending church.  The reason given by her, “I don’t want everyone asking me how I am.”  

We understood.  Another lady expressed her anger.

 

“What am I supposed to say? My husband just died.  How do you think I am?”  

It’s only been a few years for me.  I remember thinking, when asked that question, “How can I answer that?  I don’t know how I am.”  And the way I was feeling at that moment could change in an instant.  A smell, a song, a certain food could arouse an abrupt response within me.  My emotional state resembled a roller coaster.  

And so, the pat answer is “Fine.”  Big fat lie. 

All this was percolating in my thoughts when I read an article written by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s COO.  Her husband died in 2015 at the age of 47.  She echoed the above sentiment.  She wanted to scream, “My husband died.  How do you think I am?”  

The question can at least be modified to ask, “How are you today?”  That indicates some semblance of understanding, that each day is different. 

Some days better than others.  

This does not apply only to widows.  In any circumstance where there has been a life-changing event, the person affected doesn’t need that question.  A hug works for some.  Others just need to share about what happened.  

Some just want to hear, “It’s sure good to see you.”  

             "Be gentle with one another, sensitive." Ephesians 4:32 (MSG)