The Diminishing List

From birth until my marriage at age 17, there were two men in my life. 

My brother, Tony, lived with my mother and me until he graduated from high school.  I wrote about him in a blog in February, when he passed away.  We had remained connected to the end…and beyond.  His loss is still very fresh.  

The other man was my brother-in-law, Norman.  He lived in the same Kansas town as me, was married to the only sister I was close to, and I spent a great deal of time in their company.  I called his parents grandma and grandpa.  When I had my tonsils out, Norman was the one who picked me up at the hospital and took me to his parents to convalesce.  And a week later, when I was pronounced healed and could eat anything I wanted, it was Norman who took me for a hamburger and chips. 

In my younger years, occasionally I was allowed to spend the night at my sister’s.  I felt loved there.  We watched Alfred Hitchcock and I Love Lucy.  Not sure mother ever knew that.  TV was forbidden.  Sometimes when they took a vacation, I tagged along with their two daughters.  He worked the late shift, so we would leave Kansas in the very early morning when he got off.  Our goal was to get out of Kansas before it got too hot.  The car had no air conditioning.  Boxes were placed between the front and back seats to make a bed for the three children.  

In high school, I was given driver’s ed using simulators.  When I received my Learner’s Permit, Norman was the one who took me in his car and let me learn to drive the real thing.  One time, after we returned home, I let the very heavy car door close on my finger.  He’s the one who drilled a hole in my nail to relieve the pressure.  He was like the dad I never had.  And when I married, he sang at my wedding.  

Ten years later, when his wife died and my husband left just a few months apart, Norman still lived in Kansas and I lived in Nebraska.  He would drive to my home and do the needed repairs.  I would feed him a home-cooked meal (it was his wife who had taught me to cook) and send him home with cookies.  

 

I received word last night he passed away.  Tears were shed.  

He had been in my thoughts quite a bit recently, since August 4^th was his birthday.  In his 90’s, he succumbed to the virus.  I reflected on his life and how intertwined it had been with mine in those early years.  But life passes quickly.  It has been probably 40 years since I saw him.  That does not lessen the impact he had on my life.  

The list of people left in my birth family is diminishing.  That’s what happens when you’re the baby and you get old.