More Fun Quotes

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”  Lillian Carter  

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”  Eleanor Roosevelt  

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.  Mark Twain  

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.   George Burns  

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.  Victor Borge  

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.  Mark Twain  

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.  Socrates  

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.  Jimmy Durante  

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.  Joe Namath  

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.  Will Rogers  

(Author Unknown)