Jesus, John and Heaven

“John just went to Paradise.”

Those are the words that changed my life in an instant. My beloved was no longer breathing air on this earth. He was in Heaven. Now what?

Over the following weeks, I devoured books on Heaven. I needed input on where he was and what was happening to him.

It was all good. 

As time passed, when someone would mention about the death of a friend, I would instantly think about John. Were they having a talk in Heaven? When a close friend shared that her time might be short in this world, I remember my response.

“I’m jealous. You get to see John before I do.” I’m sensitive that way. (smile)

One day recently during my quiet time, the scripture I was reading mentioned Paradise. You know where my thoughts went. John was there. And just that quickly came the thought. So is Jesus. It seemed Heaven no longer represented Jesus to me. John was what mattered.

That’s just wrong.

Jesus was not introduced to me early in life. All I knew about was a scary God. I was in my 30’s before Jesus became real to me. I had never been told I could have a relationship with Him.

It’s been a wonderful discovery.

But something in the connection between Jesus and me got short-circuited when John died. My other half was in Heaven. I longed to see him again. And so he began to represent Heaven to me.

Jesus and I have walked together for so many years, I feel troubled in the knowledge that I could put Him in second place so easily. And yet He understands and still loves me. After all, it was His idea for John and I to meet, and He delighted in the love we had for each other. He also appreciates the fact that I am totally human. He’s not going to leave my side.

But I’m a work in progress.

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list.” Matthew 22:37 (MSG)